Writing 【V̶i̶r̶t̶u̶a̶l̶ Reality】(Chapter 9 released!) - AoA Fanfic

Discussion in 'Share your own project' started by Kathrall, Jun 15, 2015.

?

Are you reading the story? (just to know how many are actually reading)

  1. Yes

    34 vote(s)
    82.9%
  2. No

    5 vote(s)
    12.2%
  3. On-hold

    2 vote(s)
    4.9%
  1. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    [​IMG]
    I'm not a very experienced writer so I'm open to criticism and advice, I'd really appreciate! Let me know what you guys think and if I should continue with this story :)

    Chapter 1: Discovery

    Chapter 2: Friendship

    Chapter 3: Escape

    Chapter 4: Formation

    Chapter 5: Combat

    Chapter 6: Retaliation

    Chapter 7: Witchdoctor

    Chapter 8: Tryston

    Chapter 9: Hope

    Want to potentially see yourself (or your character) in the story? Submit a character application! http://age-of-aincrad.com/forum/threads/virtual-realitycharacter-application.4940/

    Thanks for reading!

    Main illustrations: @Shijohane
    Proof reading: @Reach , check out his story, The Rogue Reaper, while you're at it!

    Characters:
    Kathrall (By: @Zerith)
    [​IMG]

    Zak (By: @Zerith)
    [​IMG]

    Treyhax (By: @Zerith)
    [​IMG]

    Kulz, The Witchdoctor (By: @Nguyen Minh Nhan)
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2017
    Geoffrey, Saje, Shijohane and 7 others like this.
  2. Treyhax

    Treyhax Teal VIP Teal VIP Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    YIssss very good job, very fun to read. Rate it 420/69
     
    Kathrall likes this.
  3. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    That's the dankest review I've ever received
     
    SirTouchMe and Treyhax like this.
  4. Reach

    Reach Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    If you continue to write, I'll continue to read.

    The broadest advice I can give you is "Show, Don't Tell". You can look up what it means, there's lots about it.

    I would have liked to see a more in depth telling of how Kathrall met Zak besides just "I met him during a quest". I also think your pacing is a bit too fast, unless you intended it that way.

    We also know next to nothing about the main character, or why we should care about him.

    Also whenever you can, use 'said' when you need a dialogue tag, because other words such as 'chirped' and even 'replied' can be too flowery/purple and distracting from the story.
     
  5. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    Thanks for the feedback, I'll look into improving those areas.
     
  6. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    Okay the new and improved chapter 1 is released!
     
    Leind likes this.
  7. Treyhax

    Treyhax Teal VIP Teal VIP Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    Liking the new version, the dialogue makes the story a lot more interesting and engaging than before. Also helps to see the personalities of the characters. Well done.
     
    Kathrall likes this.
  8. SW1PE

    SW1PE Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    nice c:
     
  9. Illyon

    Illyon Pokémon Master | Treasure Hunters God Christmas VIP Halloween VIP Blue VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    I will be waiting for more. This looks very promising.
     
    Kathrall likes this.
  10. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    UPDATE: Chapter 2 released!
     
    SW1PE and Treyhax like this.
  11. Treyhax

    Treyhax Teal VIP Teal VIP Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    ohhh yis
     
    Kathrall likes this.
  12. SW1PE

    SW1PE Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    I love it by far , good job. :3, what about someone from inside the town that would save you two in the story :T?
     
  13. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    UPDATE: Looking for an artist to draw me up some character portraits! If anyone is interested send me a PM :D
     
    Leind likes this.
  14. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    UPDATE: Drawings of Kathrall and Zak posted in original thread, shoutout to SW1PE for drawing em!
     
    SW1PE likes this.
  15. Nizza

    Nizza Green VIP Green VIP Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer Oldtimer

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    Got hooked, looking forward!
    Yaoi confimred
     
    Kathrall likes this.
  16. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    Feel free to submit a character application!
     
  17. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    Chapter 3 released!
     
    Leind, SW1PE and Treyhax like this.
  18. Stluffy

    Stluffy Veteran Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    lel dis is somethin i liek
     
    Kathrall likes this.
  19. Tatsuya Chiba

    Tatsuya Chiba

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    Lol, 10/10 would buy if it becomes a Light Novel
     
    Nyanta, Treyhax, SW1PE and 1 other person like this.
  20. Kathrall

    Kathrall YGO 2015 1st Place Red VIP Veteran Knight Young Knight Seasoned Adventurer

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    ayyyyyyyy